... is the word i let living in my blood, running through my veins long time ago.
If i wanted something, no matter what i MUST get it, i MUST achieve it. no matter in certain time-frame or sooner or later.
But lately, i forgotten who i was. because of the surrounding, because of the hatred inside of me. because of everything i dislike, seriously turned me upside down, turned me into someone i don't really know. it was bizarre, so damn awkward. i was so fragile, and i knew the reasons why.
This time, i will always bear in mind, that i was once a strong person, and will always be a strong person. i am an eagle, and i will never change for the sake of my living.
It's not about the job, it's about the surrounding.
But i am a superladymarmalade and it's nothing.
And the word of DETERMINATION will always running in my veins as long as i am still alive.
Sunday, September 23
Thursday, April 19
Academic in Terengganu
di Terengganu, isu soalan bocor time exam langsung tak wujud. and environment kitorang kau tak dapat A kau bodoh. even kau dapat 3A je pon kau bodoh. seriously. cikgu mengajar dari pagi sampai petang pukol 5.30 baru balik rumah and malam ada kelas tambahan lagi. style kitorang ulangkaji time nak exam, semua soalan trial setiap negeri kau kena siapkan. exam tiap-tiap bulan OTI TOV ujian penilaian so on so forth.
so aku tak hairan langsung kalau Terengganu memang selalu top ranking in academic. been there done that matsaleh cakap.
since aku sekolah rendah sampai aku sekolah menengah, sumpah cikgu-cikgu semua berlumba-lumba nak cerdikkan students masing-masing. kerja sekolah berbukit-bukit. soalan past year bersepah-sepah. kalau tak buat kena denda, kena doublekan homework. memang hidop bersekolah mintak maki. tapi time exam, kau boleh sengih je. banyak latihan banyak lah knowledge senanglah kau nak jawab exam. since aku PTS, UPSR, PMR sampailah ke SPM, itu cara cikgu-cikgu.
aku bukan sekolah sains mahupun MRSM mahupun SBP yang lain. sekolah aku just sekolah harian biasa tapi tetap top ranking di terengganu. SPM aku salah sorang pelajar sekolah target 10A dan aku mampu dapat 7A je. first line yang datang dari mulot somebody-should-not-be-name was "i thought u were smart enough". maksudnya ialah aku dapat 7A pon aku bodoh.
istilah soalan bocor di Terengganu is totally busuk hati dan dengki. kau hantar anak kau sekolah kat Terengganu and u will know how good enough is the academic system in the state. even sekolah harian biasa cikgu-cikgu akan membanting tulang sepenuh hati untuk pastikan students dapat yang terbaik. for me, cikgu-cikgu yang bekerja di Terengganu sangat mantop. akan usaha sedaya upaya untuk pandaikan students.
environment dalam family pon asyik nak berlumba-lumba siapa yang paling banyak dapat A. siapa yang boleh pergi sekolah paling bagos. siapa yang dapat result paling bagos. aku paling bodoh dalam family sebelah bapak aku sebab aku masok UTHM je. okay off record.
and di Terengganu zaman aku sekolah dulu, kami tidak menyanjung tinggi artis-artis yang tidak berotak. orang berakal tak akan menyanjung orang-orang bodoh sebab orang yang patut disanjung ialah orang yang otaknya macam mahathir, and ehem, macam amalina che bakri. itu idol kami. bukan stacy bukan adira bukan bukan bukan. budak-budak zaman sekarang je yang makin maju makin pelik.
so please la hentikan cerita-cerita tak berasas yang menyatakan bahawa Terengganu cemerlang sebab soalan bocor semata-mata. fuck off.
kau jadi cikgu kat Terengganu dulu, or belajar di sekolah-sekolah yang ada kat Terengganu ni, then baru kau boleh bukak mulot.
so aku tak hairan langsung kalau Terengganu memang selalu top ranking in academic. been there done that matsaleh cakap.
since aku sekolah rendah sampai aku sekolah menengah, sumpah cikgu-cikgu semua berlumba-lumba nak cerdikkan students masing-masing. kerja sekolah berbukit-bukit. soalan past year bersepah-sepah. kalau tak buat kena denda, kena doublekan homework. memang hidop bersekolah mintak maki. tapi time exam, kau boleh sengih je. banyak latihan banyak lah knowledge senanglah kau nak jawab exam. since aku PTS, UPSR, PMR sampailah ke SPM, itu cara cikgu-cikgu.
aku bukan sekolah sains mahupun MRSM mahupun SBP yang lain. sekolah aku just sekolah harian biasa tapi tetap top ranking di terengganu. SPM aku salah sorang pelajar sekolah target 10A dan aku mampu dapat 7A je. first line yang datang dari mulot somebody-should-not-be-name was "i thought u were smart enough". maksudnya ialah aku dapat 7A pon aku bodoh.
istilah soalan bocor di Terengganu is totally busuk hati dan dengki. kau hantar anak kau sekolah kat Terengganu and u will know how good enough is the academic system in the state. even sekolah harian biasa cikgu-cikgu akan membanting tulang sepenuh hati untuk pastikan students dapat yang terbaik. for me, cikgu-cikgu yang bekerja di Terengganu sangat mantop. akan usaha sedaya upaya untuk pandaikan students.
environment dalam family pon asyik nak berlumba-lumba siapa yang paling banyak dapat A. siapa yang boleh pergi sekolah paling bagos. siapa yang dapat result paling bagos. aku paling bodoh dalam family sebelah bapak aku sebab aku masok UTHM je. okay off record.
and di Terengganu zaman aku sekolah dulu, kami tidak menyanjung tinggi artis-artis yang tidak berotak. orang berakal tak akan menyanjung orang-orang bodoh sebab orang yang patut disanjung ialah orang yang otaknya macam mahathir, and ehem, macam amalina che bakri. itu idol kami. bukan stacy bukan adira bukan bukan bukan. budak-budak zaman sekarang je yang makin maju makin pelik.
so please la hentikan cerita-cerita tak berasas yang menyatakan bahawa Terengganu cemerlang sebab soalan bocor semata-mata. fuck off.
kau jadi cikgu kat Terengganu dulu, or belajar di sekolah-sekolah yang ada kat Terengganu ni, then baru kau boleh bukak mulot.
Wednesday, April 4
My POV
hi.
it's good for me when i'm in the mood to write. yeah, that's my intro, pretty obvious. and it's lame. hell yeah.
i succeed undergone my training in mersing for 2 months. and now i'm home for 2 days. frankly, staying home doing nothing is suck. mersing is kinda awesome, i guessed. as i gained a lot of things especially weight. eating 5 times daily, totally fucked up =="
procrastinating, instead of editing my CV, here i am, writing for no one.
nowadays, as i grown 'younger' , there's so many things i hate. but the most annoying things will always be girls around me. i can't stand desperados. i mean, who can? c'mon, get a life bi-atch~ acting cute here and there, beautiful everywhere, is just plastic because bitches will always be bitches. bimbos are okay because eventhough they are stupid, but at least they are pretty. gosh i can't believe i wrote that, cut the crap.
but bitches?
u are annoying. u are desperate for men to pop out in your life. u are an attention whore. u act like u are the meanest girl ever but yet, u are just totally vulnerable inside. u said bad things about others but when it comes to u, u don't do acceptance. u think u are the best but it's not. u are far away from pretty and yes, u are stupid. u are just a pathetic plastic.
that is my definition for bitches.
i'm not pointing my finger to anyone. but this happened when u're too selfish to give another girl a glance. because for u bitches, u're the only one who play the games and yes, the only one who gonna win the game. to hell with that because girls don't play games. only bitches do. so u're just trying to win for nothing.
just be cool. don't chase for every man to be part of ur life. don't seduce your friends. be strong inside and the most important thing is, don't be so desperate. believe in God. when the comes, u'll be showered with happiness and love. pray to God.
past 3 years and half was a long period to me. and seriously i couldn't stand this kind of creature. but i learned a lot from that. apart of she needed a boyfriend so badly (yeah seriously she did everything stupid just to have a boyfriend), she just a normal girl when she didn't care about what she felt. but unfortunately, she thought a lot about what will happened next. she didn't dare to just follow the flow of living and yeah, she was one of the bitches who always create fake stories about herself, just to make every guy attracted to her. pathetic.
oh demmit, now i am pointing to somebody. but hey, it's not like she 's the only one teehee.
anyway, ne vous inquietez pas. Dieu a promis tout le monde avec bonheur dans leur vie. ce que vous devez faire est simple, dare to play ignorance.
=))
it's good for me when i'm in the mood to write. yeah, that's my intro, pretty obvious. and it's lame. hell yeah.
i succeed undergone my training in mersing for 2 months. and now i'm home for 2 days. frankly, staying home doing nothing is suck. mersing is kinda awesome, i guessed. as i gained a lot of things especially weight. eating 5 times daily, totally fucked up =="
procrastinating, instead of editing my CV, here i am, writing for no one.
nowadays, as i grown 'younger' , there's so many things i hate. but the most annoying things will always be girls around me. i can't stand desperados. i mean, who can? c'mon, get a life bi-atch~ acting cute here and there, beautiful everywhere, is just plastic because bitches will always be bitches. bimbos are okay because eventhough they are stupid, but at least they are pretty. gosh i can't believe i wrote that, cut the crap.
but bitches?
u are annoying. u are desperate for men to pop out in your life. u are an attention whore. u act like u are the meanest girl ever but yet, u are just totally vulnerable inside. u said bad things about others but when it comes to u, u don't do acceptance. u think u are the best but it's not. u are far away from pretty and yes, u are stupid. u are just a pathetic plastic.
that is my definition for bitches.
i'm not pointing my finger to anyone. but this happened when u're too selfish to give another girl a glance. because for u bitches, u're the only one who play the games and yes, the only one who gonna win the game. to hell with that because girls don't play games. only bitches do. so u're just trying to win for nothing.
just be cool. don't chase for every man to be part of ur life. don't seduce your friends. be strong inside and the most important thing is, don't be so desperate. believe in God. when the comes, u'll be showered with happiness and love. pray to God.
past 3 years and half was a long period to me. and seriously i couldn't stand this kind of creature. but i learned a lot from that. apart of she needed a boyfriend so badly (yeah seriously she did everything stupid just to have a boyfriend), she just a normal girl when she didn't care about what she felt. but unfortunately, she thought a lot about what will happened next. she didn't dare to just follow the flow of living and yeah, she was one of the bitches who always create fake stories about herself, just to make every guy attracted to her. pathetic.
oh demmit, now i am pointing to somebody. but hey, it's not like she 's the only one teehee.
anyway, ne vous inquietez pas. Dieu a promis tout le monde avec bonheur dans leur vie. ce que vous devez faire est simple, dare to play ignorance.
=))
Sunday, March 18
Hati, the most annoying thing.
yeah, it has been ages. but luckily i still remembered that i have blog. nah, cut the crap.
hati, even kuat macam mana pon, akan sakit jugak. even kering macam mana pon kadang-kadang sentap jugak. cara nak jaga memang senang nak cakap tapi nak buat is like hell. kalau dah lama sangat kuat ni kadang-kadang takut patah. kalau patah lagi lah tak boleh nak betolkan dah. macam-macam cara dah buat semata-mata nak hilangkan sakit tu, last-last hampeh jugak. yillek is happening bak kata orang India.
kalau dah tengah sarat macam gini, datang je orang lain confirm tinggal kesan. lawan macam mana pon, kalau yang diharapkan buat tak reti jugak, yang tak diharap tu pon boleh menang. pokok pangkalnya sekarang, jangan cepat terinfluenced lah bodoh.
yeah, true, memang yang ada depan mata is nothing. yang dalam hati is everything.
anyway, kalau dah terbuang tu memang harapan nak kena kutip balik tipis gila babi la kan? so jadi kuat selagi boleh. kalau betol-betol nak so betol-betol kena usaha. tapi kalau usaha sekor-sekor pon bangang jugak. doakan hati duduk setempat je amin~
kita tengok sampai mana hati boleh tahan. mintak-mintak sampai mati =))
hati, even kuat macam mana pon, akan sakit jugak. even kering macam mana pon kadang-kadang sentap jugak. cara nak jaga memang senang nak cakap tapi nak buat is like hell. kalau dah lama sangat kuat ni kadang-kadang takut patah. kalau patah lagi lah tak boleh nak betolkan dah. macam-macam cara dah buat semata-mata nak hilangkan sakit tu, last-last hampeh jugak. yillek is happening bak kata orang India.
kalau dah tengah sarat macam gini, datang je orang lain confirm tinggal kesan. lawan macam mana pon, kalau yang diharapkan buat tak reti jugak, yang tak diharap tu pon boleh menang. pokok pangkalnya sekarang, jangan cepat terinfluenced lah bodoh.
yeah, true, memang yang ada depan mata is nothing. yang dalam hati is everything.
anyway, kalau dah terbuang tu memang harapan nak kena kutip balik tipis gila babi la kan? so jadi kuat selagi boleh. kalau betol-betol nak so betol-betol kena usaha. tapi kalau usaha sekor-sekor pon bangang jugak. doakan hati duduk setempat je amin~
kita tengok sampai mana hati boleh tahan. mintak-mintak sampai mati =))
Friday, February 3
Waiting, or Patient? (Entry Serius)
tweet-tweet dengan Ayun tadi, i tried to chill her out then suddenly popped out pulak ayat, true love is worth waiting for.
maka, kenangan lama menggamit kembali kihkih.
well, i kinda 100% agree dengan statement tu. bukan sebab just nak tenangkan hati orang yang tengah gundah gulana whatsoever. tapi, hey, kalau kita nak benda bagus superb perfect di mata kita memang take time kan? mana ada benda sempurna datang bergolek dalam sekelip mata. unless, you were born lucky since the very beginning.
bila kita rushing, acting so desperately want for something, very eager to have it in a short of time, kita kecewa kan? macam kita nak beli kereta lah. kereta idaman kita BMW, tapi hanya boleh dapat after lagi setahun sebab after setahun baru ngam-ngam duit nak beli plus dapat bonus setengah tahun gaji kan. tapi disebabkan desperate sangat nak kereta sebab kawan-kawan lain semua dah ada kereta, terpaksa guna duit yang ada tu beli just Viva. sebab itu je yang termampu masa tu and tak nak kalah punya pasal. then mula lah menyesal, tak puas hati so on so forth. padan muka, siapa suruh tak boleh nak sabar and desperate sangat. haaa faham kat situ kan?
sama la macam pilih boyfriend/girlfriend. kena kenal betul-betul dulu baru boleh nak serius. kalau nak boyfriend/girlfriend sebab orang lain pon ada boyfriend/girlfriend, memang malang la nasib. memang dapat yang entah pape la kan. kalau bertuah, dapat la yang baik terus. tapi jarang la kan jadi macam gitu. seriously, be in love when you ready. relationship perlukan responsibility from both parties (tapi ni dah masuk issue lain pulak ni).
well, for me to accept Ilham as someone special, it took me more than a year. we're such bestfriends dekat matrik years back then. banyak sangat benda kongsi sama-sama. kinda weird for me bila suka kawan baik sendiri sebab aku bukan jenis gedik and manja-manja. plus, loser gila bila kawan kita sendiri tahu macam mana perangai kita bila couple kan. so i held that feeling sampai satu masa yang kita tahu kita memang dah tak kan jumpa dia lagi so kita boleh lupakan perasaan kita dekat dia. but i was wrong, masa problem dengan PLKN aku lagi senang nak discuss dengan dia instead of boyfriend aku time tu. Ilham lagi kenal aku.
and still dapat Johor walaupun aku langsung tak mintak universiti dekat Johor ni sebab aku memang tak nak. tapi tup-tup dapat jugak. that's why boleh declared. tu pon susah gila nak terima mula-mula. awkward yang amat. rasanya kalau tak dapat Johor tak adanya aku dengan dia. and sampai bila-bila aku akan ingat, first time nampak Ilham depan koop matrik dulu, aku menyampah gila dengan dia. sumpah. muka dia kerek habis memang muka mintak maki. sekali masuk-masuk kelas, aku nampak muka kerek tu. budak kelas aku rupanya.
berdasarkan cerita aku tu, conclusion dia, seriously, kena tunggu untuk dapatkan yang betul-betul terbaik untuk diri kita and yes, apa yang kita tak suka tu la yang kita dapat haha. Alhamdulillah sekarang still stick dengan Ilham lagi after those thicks and thins. bukan nak menjaja cerita, sebab masa depan bukan ketentuan kita. kita rancang je, Allah yang tentukan. just, ada pengajaran terselit dalam cerita aku tu. pengajaran tu yang aku nak kongsi. bukan lovey-dovey stuff yang still lagi tak tahu macam mana penghujung cerita dia tu.
well, dah terlajak cerita benda peribadi, kepada kawan-kawan yang baca ni, mohon jasa baik doakan agar memang Ilham jodoh aku sampai ke akhir hayat. terima kasih.
so, besar nikmat yang kita dapat daripada berkat kesabaran kita. jangan gopoh-gopoh.
maka, kenangan lama menggamit kembali kihkih.
well, i kinda 100% agree dengan statement tu. bukan sebab just nak tenangkan hati orang yang tengah gundah gulana whatsoever. tapi, hey, kalau kita nak benda bagus superb perfect di mata kita memang take time kan? mana ada benda sempurna datang bergolek dalam sekelip mata. unless, you were born lucky since the very beginning.
bila kita rushing, acting so desperately want for something, very eager to have it in a short of time, kita kecewa kan? macam kita nak beli kereta lah. kereta idaman kita BMW, tapi hanya boleh dapat after lagi setahun sebab after setahun baru ngam-ngam duit nak beli plus dapat bonus setengah tahun gaji kan. tapi disebabkan desperate sangat nak kereta sebab kawan-kawan lain semua dah ada kereta, terpaksa guna duit yang ada tu beli just Viva. sebab itu je yang termampu masa tu and tak nak kalah punya pasal. then mula lah menyesal, tak puas hati so on so forth. padan muka, siapa suruh tak boleh nak sabar and desperate sangat. haaa faham kat situ kan?
sama la macam pilih boyfriend/girlfriend. kena kenal betul-betul dulu baru boleh nak serius. kalau nak boyfriend/girlfriend sebab orang lain pon ada boyfriend/girlfriend, memang malang la nasib. memang dapat yang entah pape la kan. kalau bertuah, dapat la yang baik terus. tapi jarang la kan jadi macam gitu. seriously, be in love when you ready. relationship perlukan responsibility from both parties (tapi ni dah masuk issue lain pulak ni).
well, for me to accept Ilham as someone special, it took me more than a year. we're such bestfriends dekat matrik years back then. banyak sangat benda kongsi sama-sama. kinda weird for me bila suka kawan baik sendiri sebab aku bukan jenis gedik and manja-manja. plus, loser gila bila kawan kita sendiri tahu macam mana perangai kita bila couple kan. so i held that feeling sampai satu masa yang kita tahu kita memang dah tak kan jumpa dia lagi so kita boleh lupakan perasaan kita dekat dia. but i was wrong, masa problem dengan PLKN aku lagi senang nak discuss dengan dia instead of boyfriend aku time tu. Ilham lagi kenal aku.
and still dapat Johor walaupun aku langsung tak mintak universiti dekat Johor ni sebab aku memang tak nak. tapi tup-tup dapat jugak. that's why boleh declared. tu pon susah gila nak terima mula-mula. awkward yang amat. rasanya kalau tak dapat Johor tak adanya aku dengan dia. and sampai bila-bila aku akan ingat, first time nampak Ilham depan koop matrik dulu, aku menyampah gila dengan dia. sumpah. muka dia kerek habis memang muka mintak maki. sekali masuk-masuk kelas, aku nampak muka kerek tu. budak kelas aku rupanya.
berdasarkan cerita aku tu, conclusion dia, seriously, kena tunggu untuk dapatkan yang betul-betul terbaik untuk diri kita and yes, apa yang kita tak suka tu la yang kita dapat haha. Alhamdulillah sekarang still stick dengan Ilham lagi after those thicks and thins. bukan nak menjaja cerita, sebab masa depan bukan ketentuan kita. kita rancang je, Allah yang tentukan. just, ada pengajaran terselit dalam cerita aku tu. pengajaran tu yang aku nak kongsi. bukan lovey-dovey stuff yang still lagi tak tahu macam mana penghujung cerita dia tu.
well, dah terlajak cerita benda peribadi, kepada kawan-kawan yang baca ni, mohon jasa baik doakan agar memang Ilham jodoh aku sampai ke akhir hayat. terima kasih.
so, besar nikmat yang kita dapat daripada berkat kesabaran kita. jangan gopoh-gopoh.
I Should Write Something
well guys, let me tell u this, it's kinda hard for me nowadays since i already finished my study few weeks ago. and so now all i do is sitting in my room browsing 9gag for life, tweeting, sleeping, dreaming and bitching. okay now u may ignore the last word listed.
SO, for this few weeks doing nothing and ALSO, earning nothing, i'm totally fucked up. i got no money to survive things ( read: shopping, eat everything, bitching et cetera et cetera) as for now i already promised myself not to ask money from my parents, and yet, still craving for baju baru seluar baru beg baru oh demmit. here, i realized, betapa tak bestnya duduk rumah sebab account tidak lagi diisi tiap-tiap minggu, not betapa tak sedar diri nya aku ini sebab still demand for everything even i got no money with me. last week dah shopping padahal, dem.
okay, now i'm rambling rubbish. great.
the hardest thing for me during this jobless moment is, i'm so desperate for jobs. i tried a lot. i applied everything. and yet i'm still applying. hoping for at least one to sangkut, homaiii. tu la, padan muka, bila rezeki dah ada depan mata, selamba badak kau tolak. rasakan lah.
i did jot down that i wanna further my master before this. and i'm still on for that. just it has to be postponed. not now. but tengok lah macam mana, ada rezeki ada lah kan. =')
tak ada hala tuju buat entry ni actually. i just felt that i had to jot something, too many things in the mind, felt like puking sometimes. susah bila jadi orang yang susah nak percayakan orang, sebab susah nak luahkan perasaan kasik tenang sikit kepala. orang yang sepatutnya diluahkan unreachable sebab berada di luar kawasan, so terpaksa tahan sampai dia balik. hope bila dia dah balik nanti semua dah okay, dah boleh lupa, then tak ada la menyusahkan dia sangat. kadang-kadang pelik macam mana orang boleh jaja masalah dia merata. plus amazed. sebab aku tak reti nak jadi macam gitu, aku akan rasa macam attention whore.
anyway, i'm just good. instead of everything happened, i'm good.
FUCK, what is actually this all about?
SO, for this few weeks doing nothing and ALSO, earning nothing, i'm totally fucked up. i got no money to survive things ( read: shopping, eat everything, bitching et cetera et cetera) as for now i already promised myself not to ask money from my parents, and yet, still craving for baju baru seluar baru beg baru oh demmit. here, i realized, betapa tak bestnya duduk rumah sebab account tidak lagi diisi tiap-tiap minggu, not betapa tak sedar diri nya aku ini sebab still demand for everything even i got no money with me. last week dah shopping padahal, dem.
okay, now i'm rambling rubbish. great.
the hardest thing for me during this jobless moment is, i'm so desperate for jobs. i tried a lot. i applied everything. and yet i'm still applying. hoping for at least one to sangkut, homaiii. tu la, padan muka, bila rezeki dah ada depan mata, selamba badak kau tolak. rasakan lah.
i did jot down that i wanna further my master before this. and i'm still on for that. just it has to be postponed. not now. but tengok lah macam mana, ada rezeki ada lah kan. =')
tak ada hala tuju buat entry ni actually. i just felt that i had to jot something, too many things in the mind, felt like puking sometimes. susah bila jadi orang yang susah nak percayakan orang, sebab susah nak luahkan perasaan kasik tenang sikit kepala. orang yang sepatutnya diluahkan unreachable sebab berada di luar kawasan, so terpaksa tahan sampai dia balik. hope bila dia dah balik nanti semua dah okay, dah boleh lupa, then tak ada la menyusahkan dia sangat. kadang-kadang pelik macam mana orang boleh jaja masalah dia merata. plus amazed. sebab aku tak reti nak jadi macam gitu, aku akan rasa macam attention whore.
anyway, i'm just good. instead of everything happened, i'm good.
FUCK, what is actually this all about?
Monday, January 30
Dadahku.
ni yang terkumpul since 1st month di UTHM. ada lagi yg dekat rumah ni. but ni je yg aku semangat ambik gambar and aku tak tau kenapa.
ni lah dadah aku. pernah termiss satu bulan and orang itu yang jadi mangsa kena carikan kih kih.
ni lah dadah aku. pernah termiss satu bulan and orang itu yang jadi mangsa kena carikan kih kih.
Sunday, January 1
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